ROSEMARY MAC CABE

Okay so I’m sick, which means normal service is suspended until further notice. I don’t think I have the swine flu, but I have the normal flu which – people forget this fact – is also quite heinous. I’m writing this through a fog of Benylin 4Flu (which is amazing) and tissues, which is, as you might imagine, not entirely enjoyable. Although the Benylin makes it easier.

But since I won’t be doing my usual fantastic blogging, you may as well know my feelings, and I’m not going to even put links in (because the button is too small and my fingers feel like cotton wool sausages) so you’ll just have to figure it out yourself! (Isn’t it mad that we live in a world where no links is some kind of challenge? Maybe it’s just in my brain. But I digress.)

1. Why the hell has Whitney gone from Mr Fake Australian to Mr Fake Wall Street (not to mention fake tan) with the whitest teeth – although it could be just in comparison with his copper skin? And why was Roxy wearing those leggings with the rips in them from American Apparel as if that even vaguely resembles A REAL OUTFIT?! WHY?!!
2. Why did I only find out about Liam Hemsworth aka the second-hottest man alive (duh, next to S who is obviously hotter) now when he is dating Miley Cyrus and he is Kim from Home  & Away’s brother and almost jailbait and swoon? I could have had his poster on my wall for years, and now I’m too old and jaded.
3. Why oh why did I not ask the girl I saw on the Luas today as I stumbled home from work if I could take her picture because she had the most amazing pink lipstick on or at least for the sake of informing myself (and you) where she got it? A missed opportunity.
4. If Lauren is supposed to be Lo and Audrina’s friend in real life, a charade they kept up for the first two episodes at least, why hasn’t she intervened and told Lo to STOP GIVING SHIT ADVICE and told Audrina to STOP HAVING SURGERY and EASE UP ON THE FAKE TAN, YO.
5. Which leads nicely on to: how is everyone ignoring the elephant in the room that is Stephanie Pratt’s face that’s not really Stephanie Pratt’s face? This week we got “I’ve been to rehab, I know what you’re going through” which would have been the perfect time for Holly to say: well suck this, bitch, you need to go to surgery rehab! and try to light her plastic face.
6. Which in itself leads nicely to why do Americans think that all drunk people are alcoholics? And do they think all Irish people are alcoholics, by that logic? I feel their pain, because my parents think that drunk people are alcoholics, and make no qualms about this, so the night I came home, fell asleep in the downstairs toilet and scared my Dad half to death by coming up the stairs 40 minutes later, meant that I was practically booked into Promises forthwith, except that my parents don’t really believe in rehab, or addiction for that matter, and like being a morning person, it’s all in the mind.

As you may have guessed, or not, depending on how much attention you pay to my ramblings, this illness coincides nicely with insanity, but also with my planned trip to London, which has now been cancellato, as the Italiani might say. Non posso credere che non ci vedro, or something, but no London for me, baby. Hopefully a weekend sometime soon, and my flight was only €10 so the finances don’t bother me but the disappointment is bitter like a lemon. When will I next see the V&A?! WHEN?! I may just go over some other weekend, might rope the Ma into doing a shopping trip in December. (I know, I know, buy in Ireland, but why don’t you tell Topshop to charge Irish, and then I could?!!)

Related posts:

1. Let’s talk about text, baby – let’s talk about you (and me)
2. In the name of anonymity
3. Me Ma’s gonna murder me for this