ROSEMARY MAC CABE

via Ffffound

I just completed a poll for Red C, sent to me by Irish Opinions. Lately, I’ve been ignoring their surveys – usually marketing-based, and some attempt to direct Danone to the best possible advertising campaigns – but today, for some reason, I opened it up. “This survey contains questions of a personal nature.” Well, that got my attention.

What was contained therein was a series of questions about sex, sexuality, contraception, sexual activity, and views on sexual education in Ireland. Well, colour me happy! I’ve long considered proposing a travelling roadshow of sorts, to visit schools and educate teens about sexuality. Because, and correct me if I’m wrong, such a thing is nigh unheard of on our fair isle. Girls get periods? Check, we discovered that heinous fact, age 12, while the boys were sent outside to play football (might I point out that, when I was in primary school, and it wasn’t so long ago, the girls learned to knit while the boys played Gaelic) and we were introduced to the terrifying facts of female life.

What’s missing in Irish schools are some basic facts, not necessarily of life in general, but of modern life. Because I think we can all agree that sex is no longer confined to the realms of straight marriage; instead, sex has become, for better or worse, a pastime of sorts. For my part, I think this is for better, because c’mon, people: THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING SEX. No matter who you’re having it with, no matter what your sexuality (or theirs), no matter when you’re having it, or how long you’ve known them, or whether or not you’re using contraception (don’t get me wrong: I’m all for contraception, but making mistakes doesn’t mean you’re a slut, a whore, or an idiot; it just means you’re human). Sex is a good thing.

So what would I like our children, your children, the next generation, to be taught?

• This is what a condom looks like. This is what a penis looks like. It’s no coincidence that they are similar shapes. Work the rest out with the handy information leaflet.
• Whatever people tell you about saying no if you’re not ready, it’s also okay to say yes. In fact, it’s more than okay. You can, and should, enjoy sex. It’s not something to be afraid of and to put off until the last possible minute. Yes, you need to be aware of your responsibilities, the consequences of having sex, which are not tiny, but it’s not an ugly thing to be kept behind closed doors or ignored until you find yourself unable to resist.
• Contraception comes in all shapes and sizes. Don’t dig condoms? Try a femidom. And don’t be embarrassed to say the word “condom”. [As an aside, my mother - poor her - found a two-pack of condoms in my suitcase from New York. I'd picked them up for free in the tanning salon, in those big fishbowls, and left them in my suitcase. To say she was disgusted would be an understatement, but why? Sorry, Ma, but condoms are a fact of modern life; not just that, they're a necessity, like antibacterial hand gel and umbrellas.]
• If you don’t like those, make your partner get an STI test. And while you’re at it, get one for yourself too. You can never have too much information.
• If you want to go down the hormonal route, go to a doctor who talks you through all of your options. Trust me when I say, they don’t all do this. There is no one-size-fits-all Pill. In fact, most pills fit no one. No matter what your doctor tells you, each and every form of hormonal contraception will have one or more side effects. Consider what you can live with, and what you can’t (in my case, it was splitting headaches and severe mood mania), and try again. If at first you don’t succeed…
• Don’t ever have sex because the other person wants to. Even if you’re married. Have sex because you both want to (or because you were persuaded, in a nice way – massage, for example, not blackmail).
• If you’re planning on getting really drunk, bring flat shoes. I’m not going to roll out this “don’t go anywhere with a stranger” because, really, women aren’t the ones who do the raping. Guys, if you’re planning on getting a girl really drunk to have sex with her, I hope you burn to death in a wood-burning clay oven.

So what do you think? How much sex education is enough? Is there ever enough? Can there be too much? Should we be keeping our children blind to reality, or making them face up to it sooner, rather than later? Is there such a thing as safe sex? Shouldn’t we all know that, no matter how tightly we’ve wrapped it, consequences can happen, and with rights come responsibilities? Answers on a postcard. And I’m interested to see how the Red C poll turns out: questions included whether or not abortion should be legalised (yes) and whether or not the morning after pill should be available over the counter (yes). How do you see it?

Related posts:

1. Let’s talk about text, baby – let’s talk about you (and me)
2. She bangs, she bangs. . . ooh baby, yeah she moves, she moves
3. Sex ain’t just for men, y’all