ROSEMARY MAC CABE

When I first started working at The Irish Times, I did a vox pop where I asked guys what they thought of the kinds of “mad” fashion trends women regularly fall prey to. Harem pants? Obviously a no-no. Playsuits? Surprisingly, they were split right down the middle, although I suspected those who were in the “for” category secretly wanted their girlfriends 17 and into playing hopscotch. Vertiginous heels? While they all looked achingly relieved that they weren’t of the sex chosen for this specific kind of torture, they seemed to, well, dig them. You can hardly be surprised. Why would hookers wear high heels if men didn’t think they’re sexy? Because they sure as hell aren’t wearing them for comfort. Although safety may be an issue – if it’s a choice between hitting someone in the face with a pump or with a stiletto, I know which one I’d choose.

I’ve always had a not-so-hidden grá for ridiculous heels. I have a pair of silver wedges that I roll out every now and then, for example, that look ridiculous on the shelf but somehow find a way to work with the most unlikely of outfits. Ditto my sky-high brown wedge sandals, which were an impulse purchase that I thought I’d never wear (you’d be surprised how often that happens) but ended up being one of my faves. On the other hand, I’ve bought shoes that looked comfy and ended up being crucifying to the extreme. In fact, I have a date with eBay next week to try to offload some of these dastardly purchases. Why? Well, I need to make room for my future purchases. Like these:

These are Ashish wedge animal-print leather wedges from Topshop. Ashish is a British designer who hasn’t been around for all that long – since 2001, in fact – but has gained credibility for urban cool collections with plenty of colour and even more attitude. So the shoes are perfect. But the question then becomes, are they perfect for me?

They’re ridiculously high, yes, but it’s a truth universally acknowledged that wedges are far more comfortable than regular heels. They look, says my friend Lenny, like “an ugly carpet”. He’s very succinct, so he is. But . . . I find myself drawn to them, like a moth to the flame. However, I must accept that shoes that cut off at the ankle are not friends with my, eh, shapely legs (thanks Zee!). And, you could wonder, what will they look like on the leg? I’ll show you:

via Fashiontoast

Granted, Fashiontoast’s Rumi is a tiny, bird-like thing, so lumpy wedges were never going to succeed in making her legs look anything other than twig-like. And here’s another slender example:

via Style Bubble

Obviously, Susie looks pretty great in most things – there’s something about Asian style that enthralls me, and in the best of ways. I haven’t been to Asia yet, but I imagine a melée of colours, textures and sounds has something of a profound impact on the fashion aesthetic of its population. Or, at least, the population lucky enough to afford an interest in fashion because, like everywhere, there are a lot who can’t. Anyway, back to the point: the Ashish wedges. They look great on SB, don’t they? Will they look that great on me? Do I have the urban cool to carry them off? And here, a warning:

In fact, this outfit contains several warnings, so I will start with the most severe: overexercising will make you look really, really good. Avoid at all costs. In other news, belly tops I will never accept as being cool, no matter how washboard your abs. Still, if you can get past the 1990s disco outfit, the shoes look rather fetching, I think. Thoughts? I’d love if you could assist me with this – to buy, or not to buy? That is (as always) the question.

Related posts:

1. Get on your boots
2. Topshop: more seasons than you could shake a stick at
3. Such great heights