This week’s Euromillions netted some lucky Irish person a cool €88 million – and sure weren’t there only riots at the Applegreen in Lusk where the winning ticket was bought, when they reduced petrol prices to 88 cent and showered customers in free bubbly.
That person – to be clear – wasn’t me but, like many other Irish people (I’d imagine), I’ve spent the past 24 hours giving some serious thought to what I’d do with €88 million. I have to say, it’s not an easy thought process. That’s a helluva lot of money for buying one Euromillions ticket, and the temptation to go P-Diddy-on-a-yacht-style crazy would be pretty massive.
But I like to think I’d be a sensible spender* so, for starters, I’d go for…
A Georgian mansion in Dublin 4 – befitting a Euromillions winner
This five-bedroom semi d on Ailesbury Road would do quite nicely – it has a nice big south-facing garden for Coileán (and all of the other dogs I’d adopt from the DSPCA; I honestly would have 10 dogs if I had the means), as well as being spacious enough for Stephen and me to each enjoy some quality alone time.
A massive gaff for the Peter McVerry Trust
I can’t exactly pick out the house I’d buy for one of Dublin’s foremost homeless charities (I’m sure they’d have some good ideas themselves), but it would definitely be a good ‘un; I’d ideally like to scoop up Aldborough House, and place €20 million in a trust to run the establishment for a couple of years. It would need some serious renovations, so I reckon that, after both of those purchases, I’d be around €30 million down. (Honestly? I have no clue how much these things cost so I’m mostly guessing – but it’s a hypothetical so who cares!)
A live-in housekeeper slash dog walker slash personal chef
Here’s another thing that I have no idea how to price. Would you pay this person €50,000 a year? Their living costs are covered, but I guess you want them to be discreet as well, and not leak stories about how Ireland’s latest Euromillions winner ate a tub of Ben & Jerry’s in front of Love At First Kiss to the tabloid or had an enormous scrap with her partner when he tried to stir her McDonald’s caramel sundae. That actually happened, and honestly? We almost broke up. Who stirs a caramel sundae?! Anyway, I want someone not only to keep my house really clean and tidy but to make sure my meals fit my macros and to mind Coileán when we go away on holiday or are just too lazy to bring her for a walk.
A Vanmoof SmartBike
Cycling in Dublin is dangerous – and I’m not even talking about the taxi drivers who are determined to mow you down on their way to pick up their next fare. Bike theft is an all-too-common occurrence and, no matter how prepared you are, you are absolutely bound to get wet at least twice a week. Which is why I love the idea of this Vanmoof SmartBike (starting at €1,498); if it gets stolen, the Vanmoof team will spend two weeks tracking it before sending you another one and it can also be unlocked via your smartphone or with a fingerprint – as well as which, there’s an app that calculates the optimum time to go for that ride based on local weather predictions. SMART. (Also, it looks cool – and I’m shallow.)
Lift Training Studios’ Niamh Fitzgerald, seven days a week
I’m not sure how Niamh would feel about this, but I’d pay her good money to come to my house every morning, make sure I got out of bed and bully slash cajole me into doing a workout. Between this and the private chef (see above), I feel like I’d be an Insta babe overnight. (Of course, being a multi-millionaire Euromillions winner would mean that I would immediately shut down all of my social media accounts and erase my online presence – I’d be a classy rich person, you see, not a Kardashian.)
A home gym
To facilitate our morning workouts, obviously! But it’d have to be in the basement, far away from guests, because I wouldn’t want any of my mates to know and think they could just come around and work out, willy nilly. (That’s mostly a joke, because I think I’d be a generous rich person, but at the same time, wouldn’t that be a bit annoying?!)
This $4,800 Chanel handbag**
Of course, things were bound to get materialistic sooner or later. I’ve always wanted a classic Chanel flap, but I honestly have no interest in the plain black ones (every time I see one, I immediately think it’s fake – I’ve been on too many holidays to Turkey). I love this turquoise version and the fact that it’s pre-owned means I wouldn’t need to feel bad about contributing to the destruction of the planet by buying into the non-stop consumption of new things. Either that, or I just couldn’t find a brand new Chanel handbag for sale online…
Pamela Scott’s personal shopper, Emma, one day a month
I plan on being an incredibly well dressed rich person, you know – and I really clicked with Emma when I popped into Pamela Scott a couple of weeks ago to try out their brand new style suite. It’s a free service, so I guess it doesn’t really fall under the “things I’d buy if I won the Euromillions” heading, but the clothes I’d end up purchasing do.
This leather jacket from Whistles**
I sold my own much loved leather jacket on Depop a few months ago – we’d had such a good time together but it was too big for me (yay but sob). So it’s about time I replaced it, and this version would do just fine. (I love Whistles’ leather jackets – they’re unbeatable for quality in my opinion.)
Okay, I’m done – for now. I’ve got my house (two miles from Stephen’s Green) and my bicycle; I’m healthy, with the perfect insta-bod; I’m surrounded by puppies; and, last but by no means least, I’m incredibly well dressed. Not to mention the fact that I can sleep smugly at night knowing that I’m very philanthropic. Go me! (In reality, I’m now incredibly sad due to the fact that I didn’t win the Euromillions, will never love on one of Monopoly’s top two streets and am not in the position to be very philanthropic at all. Sigh.)
*Scoff! I have never been a sensible spender in my life. Winning the Euromillions definitely wouldn’t change that.
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