Bloggers’ New Year’s Resolutions (I wish)

bloggers New Year's resolutions

Pic credit: Sweets and Bitters

Ah, New Year’s Resolutions – it’s that time of year again to self-flagellate and vow to give up everything you ever enjoyed in a quest for self-improvement. I haven’t written mine yet – more on which tomorrow, and I’ll be calling them #goals because I’m so hip to the groove – but I thought it would be a great time to use my elevated sense of superiority to tell other bloggers what they should be resolving for 2017. (They can thank me later.)

This is, of course, based on that old chestnut: blogger clichés. I’ve covered this ground before, of course, but the dawn of a New Year seems like the perfect time to stop, take stock and beg: let’s all try to be at least a little bit original next year. Agreed? Okay, well here’s what we need to do…

Give up your auld marble

The proliferation of marble has been so swift and so thorough that it’s hard to tell any more: do I even like marble? Do you? Back when I was young (ahem), marble counter tops were hick and hoity-toity; nowadays, we’re all angling to cover our counter tops in marble contact paper. (I’ve always wondered what happens when it gets wet…) It’s safe to say, marble is done; it’s over. The argument that starts with, “Well, I just love marble – I’m not giving it up because it’s suddenly “trendy”, is only valid if you owned at least three marble pieces pre-2015. If not, you’re following a trend. And it’s time to give it up.

Disclose your interests

And by that I mean, let your readers know when something is an ad. Fill them in when you’re getting paid for something; it’s deadly! You’re making a living doing what most people would love to be doing (swanning around all day to “meetings” in fancy hotels, and going to the gym) – why shouldn’t you be proud that it’s working out for you?

Readers aren’t idiots, and if you’re someone who works as a full-time blogger, it won’t take long before they start wondering how, when there are never any ads on your blog or social media. Similarly, readers don’t mind if you use affiliate links – at least, mine don’t. Give them an option to use your links or clear their caches – let them vote with their browsers. Treat them with respect. After all, without them, you wouldn’t have this career.

Stop trying to make rose gold happen

It’s already happened. I feel about rose gold the way I feel about marble although (see my rose gold headphones), I’m obviously not immune to the crazy. What I would really like is if – except when referring to jewellery – we could go back to calling it copper. That’d be great.

Stop saying ‘I’ll take you all with me!’

Unless you’re hiring a minibus and quite literally bringing your followers along with you, then you’re not taking anyone with you. You’re going and, via the medium of Snapchat, you’re going to show us what it’s like. It’s not so bad when it’s a blogger going to Arnotts to shop the sales, but when it’s a blogger heading off on a five-star holiday, it’s a little more galling. I am very aware of the fact that I, sitting in my cold living room watching your snaps while listening to the rain outside, am not with you in any way, shape or form. Sob.

Don’t open your post on Snapchat

Unless it’s something really amazing or really innovative, that is – and we can also make exceptions for fledgling Irish brands, and correspondence from relatives you thought were dead. But in general? Opening up your mail on Snapchat to show your loyal following the hundreds of euros worth of free stuff you got sent today (#bloggermail!) is just crass.

If you get sent clothes, wear them in a blog post! If you get sent make-up, try them out – let us know what you think. Showing an item you got sent, simply because you got sent it, can have but one motivation in my opinion: to ensure that you get sent more stuff. It’s the digital influencer version of showing off, and it’s gross.

No more macaron flatlays, please

bloggers New Year's resolutions

See also: breakfast eaten on bed; magazines carefully placed beside the Macbook; peonies; nails against the badge of your Mercedes / BMW (shout-out to Kirstie McDermott for calling this out as the worst blogger cliché going); food you most definitely did not eat (maximum 10% of all size 8 women can eat more than one burger a month and stay a size 8).

Quit trying to fluff your readers

“You guys, I have a really exciting announcement coming up – I just can’t tell you about it for three months!” From what I can tell, these announcements either involve a clothing line / collaboration, a beauty line / collaboration, or a book. If you have a large online following, your audience will be pretty excited when you do announce – but the build-up is just irritating. (Although people might love it – do you love it when bloggers do this?!)

It feels like one of those confusing moments where you are really excited about something, and mistakenly think that your followers will be similarly excited without knowing any details at all about what’s coming down the line.

Think outside the box

If a brand approaches you to collaborate, brilliant – but it doesn’t always have to be on their terms. Talk to them about what you can do that will be more “you” than “them”; after all, you know your followers better than they do, and your followers (most of them, anyway) love you – you’re the draw, not the brand in question.

Have a sense of humour about yourself

Blogging is mad. It’s still new, and parts of it are ridiculous – you call yourself an influencer? You get paid for Instagram posts? You get paid to turn up to the opening of a pharmacy / the launch of H&M’s new designer range? People are inevitably going to take the piss – and the only way to combat that is to laugh at yourself before anyone else laughs at you. At least, that’s how I look at it!

So what do you think? Any glaring omissions? Am I being way harsh? Let me know in the comments!

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Comments

    • Lucy
    • December 31, 2016

    All so true, all so funny ! Love it !

    • Yvonne
    • December 31, 2016

    Very true and funny! I am not a blogger and still pick up marble, I bought a marble phone cover ??? I don’t even like it that much. Love you posts!

    • Ali
    • December 31, 2016

    Wow, what did Sue ever do to you?.. Is this not incredibly bitchy? And are you not indirectly or directly guilty of a few of these indiscretions also?..I know the article is probably meant in a very jokey way and just a bit of a laugh, but it definitely seems directed at one or two people in particular.

    No negativity here!!…just kidding

  1. Ali, hand on heart this isn’t directed at anyone in particular – and absolutely, I’m guilty of some if not all of these! That’s why it’s funny and hence my point about having to have a sense of humour about blogging and being a blogger. I absolutely include myself in the “blogger” category and if you look through my social media you’ll probably see me doing any and all of these along the line!

    As a blogger I think it can be incredibly difficult NOT to just do what everyone else is doing, from selfie poses to Instagram flatlays (kind of like when you watch a Kardashian marathon and then start talking in a weird American accent), but I think it’s important to stand back and look at all of these cliches and figure out how to do things differently!

    But anyway, back to your initial point: sure, it’s poking fun, but not in a nasty way and it’s not directed at anyone – we’re all guilty!

    • Eve
    • January 1, 2017

    Watching bloggers open mail is akin to watching paint dry..And while we are on the subject nobody needs to know in such minute detail the contents of your prepackaged salad bag. Boring.

    • Skuisce
    • January 1, 2017

    I was going to send you this question for your Q&A ‘are you as sick of marble and rose gold as I am’ Truly the most accurate blog I’ve read in a while. I’ve deleted so many bloggers recently for all the reasons you’ve stated.

    • Ems
    • January 1, 2017

    I love your blog Rosemary! You are so fight that bloggers need to take themselves a little less seriously. The whole Snapchat thing, while I really enjoy some of it and some Snapchatters are v interesting, is getting a bit murky when some are clearly getting a huge amount of free things that they’re not disclosing to be an ad. Or they’re making a living by putting themselves online but cannot take any kind of criticism. I resent eating snaps if someone who’s a blogger for a living throwing a tantrum because they got called out for doing something like say having to feed their baby formula is “devastating”. Devastating is not being able to feed your baby at all. So for me, I only want to spend my little free time watching snaps of people that have interesting and funny things to say, who don’t take themselves so seriously. No massively long stories of babies/talking in a baby voice/opening post/clearly undisclosed ad etc for me anymore. I really admire you for keeping it real Rosemary!

    • Sinead
    • January 1, 2017

    Very well written and also very true! Really enjoyed reading this Rosemary as I love reading everything you write!

    • Kelly
    • January 1, 2017

    I’d add: stop repeating content across all your platforms. It comes across as lazy. Surely they can utilise different streams for different content?!

  2. Brilliant post, funny and so accurate at the same time

    • Kelly
    • January 1, 2017

    I don’t read blogs only yours Rosemary. I actually comnented on a blogger’s facebook when they put up a clearly sponsored blog and said it should have #ad in it. The following day on snapchat the blogger was saying she’ll start doing unsponsored content, the boyfriend shouted in tge background “hadhtag not sponsored”. Some of the top ones think it’s appalling that people should know they don’t just “absolutely luuuv” everything.
    Anyway sorry for the long post. Love and light

    • Anne
    • January 1, 2017

    Love your blog and snaps so much….and love a lot of Irish bloggers but opening of post drives me bonkers and pushes women into thinking they need these products…..a real pity!

    • Roisin Walsh
    • January 1, 2017

    Filming their feet while walking….Possibly one of the most boring Snaps going!

    • Ailsa
    • January 1, 2017

    I would add “stop using the word ‘obsessed'”

    • Grainne
    • January 1, 2017

    This made me LOL so much. I love your posts and your snaps. You are one of the few honest bloggers that says what’s on your mind and I love it

    • Sinead
    • January 1, 2017

    This was a great read. I even laughed out loud. Strange looks from my dad but I totally agree especially with the announcements that they can’t tell it’s so annoying I have unfollowed at least 3 bloggers for this reason in the 6 months.

    • Alice
    • January 2, 2017

    Love it Rosemary, enough with the 3 month build up to product announcements, it ain’t that exciting those gift boxes in the posts, we only get bills in the post Keep it real, funny, serious, dark, light…children, pets all lovely and all in moderation…last one, stop with trying to desperately make every night out look hilariously fantastic, it must be v tiresome, feel so sorry for them and their company ‍♀️ ❤

    • Aoibheann
    • January 2, 2017

    I absolutely love the part about the posting food pics they couldn’t possibly be eating!!! Because I know well you can’t be that tiny eating all that stuff, but then the persistent posting makes me doubt my own intelligence . Own the fact that you’ve great self control!

    • Alice
    • January 2, 2017

    P. S massive respect to Stephen for not bowing into your background whipped boy!! Joke

    • Linda
    • January 2, 2017

    Your a legend x

    • Martina McGrath
    • January 2, 2017

    Great read Rosemary! Spot on. I’ve begun to think I should care more about make up and beauty from watching all these people on Snapchat. I don’t know how to contour and I’m proud of it.

    • Kaley
    • January 2, 2017

    Hi Rosemary, I enjoyed that article! Now here’s one to add to your list of things Bloggers need to stop doing:
    We all know how to make Tea/Coffee, please let the Tutorials stop, it’s boring.

    • Emma Devaney
    • January 2, 2017

    God the weekly ” new nail “pictures that are just a chance to show us the engagement ring for the 100th time, also kids in moderation a full day of snaps is boring zzzzz,

    • Kate
    • January 3, 2017

    I’d love for these so called Irish bloggers to actually upload content onto a blog, not just sharing the instagrams they post onto a website with their name on it . Maybe change your bio to snapchatter instead ,tbh snap chatting is the most lazy form of social media there is , there is no editing or creative thought process behind it. I don’t know how Ireland has got stuck in this rut where we follow influencers because of their bigger numbers , take a British blogger going to an event : they will bring a professional camera , vlog and edit the event and post to YouTube while also writing a blog post for their readers, on the other hand an ‘Irish blogger’ will take a few snapchats and say such a lovely event . Give your readers some content and stop being so lazy please (this is not aimed at you Rosemary you do post to a blog, upload on YouTube, have intersting and intellectual conversations on snapchat and also don’t post heavily facetuned selfies every day on insta )

    • Noirin
    • January 3, 2017

    You forgot crime no. 67….. the bloody sheepskin rug!

    • El
    • March 20, 2017

    This is hilarious and so bloody true! You need to republish this, clearly no one stuck to their resolutions *eye-roll*. Filtering oneself until they don’t look like themselves could be another addition to the list. If all bloggers were as honest and real like yourself, they’d reach a whole new level of success. Keep up the good work!

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